Comments for Heal Your Envy http://healyourenvy.com Joan Lavender talks about envy, what it can do to you, and what you can do about it Thu, 09 Sep 2010 04:18:39 +0000 hourly 1 Comment on Sure, I get where you are coming from. by joan http://healyourenvy.com/2010/02/sure-i-get-where-you-are-coming-from/comment-page-1/#comment-42 joan Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:36:27 +0000 http://healyourenvy.com/?p=121#comment-42 Yes, closing your door is both practical and symbolic. Taking that particular action, choosing to not inflame your own envy, I find that is the best way to go. I hope you do NOT shut up-keep writing when you like. And how can we invite others to join? In your previous email, when you described an example schadenfreude (joy at others' pain), that is another human response to feeling envious. In the therapy literature, it is called spoiling. But that doesn't really make us feel better. Music, yes!, can make us feel better, creating music, that is a real blessing. I know, I have a llifelong deep love of music. Keep writing. joan Yes, closing your door is both practical and symbolic. Taking that particular action, choosing to not inflame your own envy, I find that is the best way to go.
I hope you do NOT shut up-keep writing when you like.
And how can we invite others to join?
In your previous email, when you described an example schadenfreude (joy at others’ pain), that is another human response to feeling envious. In the therapy literature, it is called spoiling. But that doesn’t really make us feel better.
Music, yes!, can make us feel better, creating music, that is a real blessing.
I know, I have a llifelong deep love of music.
Keep writing.
joan

]]> Comment on Sure, I get where you are coming from. by Mercury http://healyourenvy.com/2010/02/sure-i-get-where-you-are-coming-from/comment-page-1/#comment-41 Mercury Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:03:46 +0000 http://healyourenvy.com/?p=121#comment-41 One more note. Just a few minutes ago, my boss was having another loud, raucus, congratulatory conversation with his son about some new amazing victory for a 19-year old - - this time about compensation. So I just got up and closed my boss's door to give them privacy. (LOL!!) I guess I don't have to hear their conversations if I don't want to. (I think they want everyone to hear them though). Anyway, a little progress for me!! Thanks a million for your site. Now I'll shut up and let someone else weigh in. One more note. Just a few minutes ago, my boss was having another loud, raucus, congratulatory conversation with his son about some new amazing victory for a 19-year old - - this time about compensation. So I just got up and closed my boss’s door to give them privacy. (LOL!!) I guess I don’t have to hear their conversations if I don’t want to. (I think they want everyone to hear them though). Anyway, a little progress for me!! Thanks a million for your site. Now I’ll shut up and let someone else weigh in.

]]> Comment on Sure, I get where you are coming from. by Sydney http://healyourenvy.com/2010/02/sure-i-get-where-you-are-coming-from/comment-page-1/#comment-40 Sydney Wed, 10 Feb 2010 20:40:47 +0000 http://healyourenvy.com/?p=121#comment-40 Hi Joan, sorry to be blogging again so soon. But I was just re-reading your earlier comment. I do see hints of shallowness and extreme boredom in many members of this super rich crowd I work with. I'm also aware of some self-destructive behaviors of some of their kids. So maybe that "grass isn't so green." They sure look happy from an outsider's perspective though. I guess I want to be so at peace that I can be happy for their happiness, and not "smile secretly on the inside" when the super rich fall or face pain. I don't want to delight in their shortcomings. Because when I do this, according to God's currency model, my stock wouldn't be trading so high either! I noticed yesterday that my boss's son's apparently sudden fortune brought up the issue of "deserving" for me. I was overwhelmed with the thought that he didn't deserve such sudden fortune for never having worked a day in his life. But do we "deserve" anything about our lives? Do the members of the House of Windsor "deserve" to be born into royalty? Anyway, I'm also a musician (keyboardist/composer) in addition to working in a law firm. I worked on some music tracks last night and stepped up my sense of urgency in finishing our first CD. (My husband sings and we write together). I had a nice productive discussion with our recording engineer and felt pretty positive. There's a definite corelation between the amount of time I devote to my dreams and passions, and the amount of envy I feel of others. Hmmmm?!! Anyway, many thanks! Hi Joan, sorry to be blogging again so soon. But I was just re-reading your earlier comment. I do see hints of shallowness and extreme boredom in many members of this super rich crowd I work with. I’m also aware of some self-destructive behaviors of some of their kids. So maybe that “grass isn’t so green.” They sure look happy from an outsider’s perspective though.

I guess I want to be so at peace that I can be happy for their happiness, and not “smile secretly on the inside” when the super rich fall or face pain. I don’t want to delight in their shortcomings. Because when I do this, according to God’s currency model, my stock wouldn’t be trading so high either!

I noticed yesterday that my boss’s son’s apparently sudden fortune brought up the issue of “deserving” for me. I was overwhelmed with the thought that he didn’t deserve such sudden fortune for never having worked a day in his life. But do we “deserve” anything about our lives? Do the members of the House of Windsor “deserve” to be born into royalty?

Anyway, I’m also a musician (keyboardist/composer) in addition to working in a law firm. I worked on some music tracks last night and stepped up my sense of urgency in finishing our first CD. (My husband sings and we write together). I had a nice productive discussion with our recording engineer and felt pretty positive. There’s a definite corelation between the amount of time I devote to my dreams and passions, and the amount of envy I feel of others. Hmmmm?!!

Anyway, many thanks!

]]> Comment on Sure, I get where you are coming from. by Sydney http://healyourenvy.com/2010/02/sure-i-get-where-you-are-coming-from/comment-page-1/#comment-39 Sydney Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:24:05 +0000 http://healyourenvy.com/?p=121#comment-39 First of all, thank you so much for your blog, and thank you even more for responding back to me with such wisdom. I appreciate the broad perspective you provide in saying "it has hit you now, yet this level of misfortune has hit others before, you may not have noticed them back then. Notice it/them now. “how could this be happening to me!” has been happening to people somewhere forever. " So true - - this helps me get outside of my own isolation about my feelings and join a larger community of people who have probably experienced this stuff for centuries. I was thinking about your blog last night and what I shared, and one of my favorite movies came to mind: "It's a Wonderful Life." That movie is TOTALLY about envy, and healing from it. As you know, George Bailey gave up all his dreams to take care of the home front, while Sam Wainwright and George's little brother Harry went on to fame and glory. (Of course the idea of George possibly facing jail time didn't help either). But it wasn't until he was given the chance to see how his life and contributions are valued from a "heavenly" perspective, and from the perspective of those around him, that he was able to realize his worth. I'm a Sunday School teacher at my church and I totally love Bible study. But I'm also one of those Christians who has had psychotherapy over the years when weathering various crises and enduring brief bouts of depression. Therefore, I appreciate the analysis of the mind, emotions and our social systems and patterns. I even think that much of this is touched on in the Bible. I would like to see more Christians embrace certain self-analytical practices - - I think it would deepen our spiritual walk. I know that you're coming from a secular perspective, and I find your perspective helpful. Christians are called to be "IN the world, but not OF the world." Our living IN the world is what gives us our greatest challenges, and potentially our greatest growth. I hope I'm not sounding too preachy, but one of the reasons why I love God is because His currency is not our currency. Our currency is financial wealth, material possessions, physical beauty, social status, etc. His currency is love, compassion, faith, wisdom, mercy, an encouraging word given to another, and the state of our hearts, etc. I would love to live my life based on God's currency. I don't want to live my life in comparison to others. Jesus even gives this talk where he compares people to the parts of a body: one person is an elbow, another is a foot, another is a shoulder, an ear, etc. All parts are needed for the body to function, so how can an ear be jealous of an elbow? We each have our important function. I really want to adopt His point of view in this area. I would like to start a Bible study on envy at my church and incorporate some of the stuff you talk about. Have you written any books about this? Are you familiar with any books written about envy? Of course the real trick will be getting any Christians to admit that they have any envy in the first place! ([Everybody's so pious and holy, yet talking about each other behind their backs! (LOL!!) First of all, thank you so much for your blog, and thank you even more for responding back to me with such wisdom. I appreciate the broad perspective you provide in saying “it has hit you now, yet this level of misfortune has hit others before, you may not have noticed them back then. Notice it/them now. “how could this be happening to me!” has been happening to people somewhere forever. ” So true - - this helps me get outside of my own isolation about my feelings and join a larger community of people who have probably experienced this stuff for centuries.

I was thinking about your blog last night and what I shared, and one of my favorite movies came to mind: “It’s a Wonderful Life.” That movie is TOTALLY about envy, and healing from it. As you know, George Bailey gave up all his dreams to take care of the home front, while Sam Wainwright and George’s little brother Harry went on to fame and glory. (Of course the idea of George possibly facing jail time didn’t help either). But it wasn’t until he was given the chance to see how his life and contributions are valued from a “heavenly” perspective, and from the perspective of those around him, that he was able to realize his worth.

I’m a Sunday School teacher at my church and I totally love Bible study. But I’m also one of those Christians who has had psychotherapy over the years when weathering various crises and enduring brief bouts of depression. Therefore, I appreciate the analysis of the mind, emotions and our social systems and patterns. I even think that much of this is touched on in the Bible. I would like to see more Christians embrace certain self-analytical practices - - I think it would deepen our spiritual walk.

I know that you’re coming from a secular perspective, and I find your perspective helpful. Christians are called to be “IN the world, but not OF the world.” Our living IN the world is what gives us our greatest challenges, and potentially our greatest growth. I hope I’m not sounding too preachy, but one of the reasons why I love God is because His currency is not our currency. Our currency is financial wealth, material possessions, physical beauty, social status, etc. His currency is love, compassion, faith, wisdom, mercy, an encouraging word given to another, and the state of our hearts, etc. I would love to live my life based on God’s currency. I don’t want to live my life in comparison to others. Jesus even gives this talk where he compares people to the parts of a body: one person is an elbow, another is a foot, another is a shoulder, an ear, etc. All parts are needed for the body to function, so how can an ear be jealous of an elbow? We each have our important function. I really want to adopt His point of view in this area.

I would like to start a Bible study on envy at my church and incorporate some of the stuff you talk about. Have you written any books about this? Are you familiar with any books written about envy? Of course the real trick will be getting any Christians to admit that they have any envy in the first place! ([Everybody’s so pious and holy, yet talking about each other behind their backs! (LOL!!)

]]> Comment on Hard Economic Times by joan http://healyourenvy.com/2009/07/114/comment-page-1/#comment-38 joan Wed, 10 Feb 2010 17:14:37 +0000 http://healyourenvy.com/2009/07/114/#comment-38 Mercury, I just wrote a response to your candid email, now trying to get it out to you! I will keep trying. Mercury,
I just wrote a response to your candid email, now trying to get it out to you!
I will keep trying.

]]> Comment on Hard Economic Times by Sydney http://healyourenvy.com/2009/07/114/comment-page-1/#comment-37 Sydney Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:50:51 +0000 http://healyourenvy.com/2009/07/114/#comment-37 Given the economic hardship these days, I wonder if we are all too busy to be envious, and there is no one to envy? . . . NOPE, I'm still finding envy in my heart. My husband was laid off from work 14 months ago and hasn't worked since. However, I work in one of the most successful law firms in the U.S. and with one of the most high-profile attorneys in the nation who specializes in banking and securities law. I am surrounded by rain-makers with wealthy spoiled children. I've had to toil hard for every little meager crumb I've been able to amass; paid for most of my education myself, have even rationed food in very lean times. I studied hard in school and when I couldn't cut it, had to live with a "C" because my folks couldn't afford a tutor. My boss' kids, however, screw around and throw parties, have private tutors to help them do well on the SAT's anyway, and get accepted to ivy league colleges, partly because of the tutoring, and partly because of the large endowments my boss and his partners give to these institutions. Today I overheard my boss talking with his 19-year old son about how he had lunch on the yacht of a high-profile entrepreneur (whose name I can't mention), and how he's got a job offer and his own office. . . at 19! Of course my boss introduced his son to some of the stellar names in his rolodex, as any parent would do for their child. My husband and I are trying our hardest not to lose our home. We have worked hard all our lives, and were born to parents who were just average middled-class/working-class folks. Also, keep in mind that while many of us are struggling during these tough economic times, there is a small segment of society (who I deal with intimately every day) who are benefitting from the struggles of others. They are buying up all the distressed stocks, buying up all the abandoned homes (whose prior inhabitants are now homeless) at bargain prices, etc. Don't worry, envy is going strong. It might be stronger than ever right now. Because as each person's struggle increases, the tendency to see the "greener grass" in someone elses life also increases. Am I envious? You're damn right. I'm a Christian and I hate that I feel this way. The Bible tells me about the dangers to the soul from being envious, but I can't find the Bible's instruction on how to heal it and eradicate it from my heart. PLEASE - - help me out with some guidance! Given the economic hardship these days, I wonder if we are all too busy to be envious, and there is no one to envy?
. . . NOPE, I’m still finding envy in my heart. My husband was laid off from work 14 months ago and hasn’t worked since. However, I work in one of the most successful law firms in the U.S. and with one of the most high-profile attorneys in the nation who specializes in banking and securities law. I am surrounded by rain-makers with wealthy spoiled children. I’ve had to toil hard for every little meager crumb I’ve been able to amass; paid for most of my education myself, have even rationed food in very lean times. I studied hard in school and when I couldn’t cut it, had to live with a “C” because my folks couldn’t afford a tutor.

My boss’ kids, however, screw around and throw parties, have private tutors to help them do well on the SAT’s anyway, and get accepted to ivy league colleges, partly because of the tutoring, and partly because of the large endowments my boss and his partners give to these institutions.

Today I overheard my boss talking with his 19-year old son about how he had lunch on the yacht of a high-profile entrepreneur (whose name I can’t mention), and how he’s got a job offer and his own office. . . at 19! Of course my boss introduced his son to some of the stellar names in his rolodex, as any parent would do for their child.

My husband and I are trying our hardest not to lose our home. We have worked hard all our lives, and were born to parents who were just average middled-class/working-class folks.

Also, keep in mind that while many of us are struggling during these tough economic times, there is a small segment of society (who I deal with intimately every day) who are benefitting from the struggles of others. They are buying up all the distressed stocks, buying up all the abandoned homes (whose prior inhabitants are now homeless) at bargain prices, etc.

Don’t worry, envy is going strong. It might be stronger than ever right now. Because as each person’s struggle increases, the tendency to see the “greener grass” in someone elses life also increases.

Am I envious? You’re damn right. I’m a Christian and I hate that I feel this way. The Bible tells me about the dangers to the soul from being envious, but I can’t find the Bible’s instruction on how to heal it and eradicate it from my heart. PLEASE - - help me out with some guidance!

]]> Comment on Hard Economic Times by joan http://healyourenvy.com/2009/07/114/comment-page-1/#comment-35 joan Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:52:17 +0000 http://healyourenvy.com/2009/07/114/#comment-35 HI, this is Griff, we're checking who gets the email notice of this comment. HI, this is Griff, we’re checking who gets the email notice of this comment.

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