Think of a situation that got you envious:
- Who were you envious of and why?
- Was it hard to acknowledge to yourself?
- How would you describe your personal experience of being envious?
- Did you keep it a secret?
- Did you have the urge to put the other person down in any way? If so, how did you handle this?
- Were you ashamed or confused by the intensity of your feelings and actions?
- Was the situation ever resolved?
Philosophers, social theorists, religious figures, writers, psychoanalysts and even economic theorists are trying to sort out the true nature of our envious reactions and behavior. Here is what some of them have to say:
Emmanuel Kant, philosopher: Envy is that passion which views with malignant dislike the superiority of those who are really entitled to all the superiority they possess.
Aristotle, philosopher: The root of our liability to envy is a lack of self-confidence in our own worth combined with a sense of omnipotence.
Geoffrey Chaucer, author: “It is certain that envy is the worst sin that is; for all other sins are sins only against one virtue; whereas envy is against all virtue and against all goodness”.
Herman Melville, author: Envy is natural depravity of a kind not to be found in jails but in civilization, folded in the mantle of respectability but deeply irrational under the guide of a reasoned life. The method and the outward proceeding are always perfectly rational. Envy’s lodgment is in the heart, not in the brain, no degree of intellect can guarantee against it.”
William Shakespeare, playwright: Envy is the green-eyed monster that doth mock the meat it feeds on…..and dons many disguises.
Joan’s working definition: Envy is that uniquely unpleasant complicated reaction that occurs when we see someone else achieves what we have been working toward. If we feel hopeless about our chances of ever getting it and spiteful toward the person who has been able to achieve it , that’s envy!
What Envy is NOT
Jealousy and envy are not identical. Jealousy always involves three people. Jealousy makes want the person who has been won over by our rival. Envy involves two people. Envy makes us want to be better than our rival. What’s he got that I haven’t got??!!! That’s envy talking.
